Chrisbert

Something to share on the health care debate and the state of politics

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:41:57 GMT

Saw this posted anonymously on a board I frequent, and thought it was relevant.

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you saw the Abu Grahib photos.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city drown.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when.. when... wait for it... when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all ok with you but helping other Americans... well f*ck that. That about right? You know it is.

Job Seekers Beware!

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 08:42:28 GMT

Scammers are now targeting job seekers.

Video here.

Pretty low scamming people who are already unemployed out of money they don't have to lose. Anyone can prey on the desperate,
the vulnerable, and the unfortunate.

No wonder there's so much damn much misery, when there's people just waiting to gain by making your misery many times worse.

So anyway, if you're job searching, be very very aware.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:44:23 GMT

Neo-Nazis, Facists, White Supremacists, may I have your attention please?

That is all.

random stranger chat...

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 11:19:23 GMT

So, there's a website, omegle.com, that allow you to chat with anonymous, random strangers. I ended up having the most epic "conversation."

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: It is very dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
>
You: turn on lamp
Stranger: You turn on your LAMP.
You are in a dark corridor. Exits are NORTH and SOUTH
>
You: n
Stranger: You go NORTH.
You are in a plush bedroom. There is a television in the corner, and a packet of cigarettes on the bedside table.
>
You: look at cigarettes
Stranger: Looks like an ordinary pack o' fags. There is a government health warning on the side which states "SMOKING SERIOUSLY MAKES BABY JESUS CRY, SO DON'T DO IT, FOOL"
>
You: smoke cigarette
Stranger: You don't have a light!
>
You: verbose
Stranger: I'm sorry I don't know how to "verbose"!
You are in a plush bedroom. There is a television in the corner, and a packet of cigarettes on the bedside table.
>
You: look for matches
Stranger: You search the bedroom carefully. You do not find any matches, but you find a TOTALLY SWEET LIGHTER under the pillow. What a fire hazard!
You pick up the TOTALLY SWEET LIGHTER.
>
You: smoke cigarette
Stranger: You fire up that bad boy and take a few experimental puffs. Ugh! Menthol!
As you smoke you hear a sinister rumble of thunder from above.
>
You: look at totally sweet lighter
Stranger: Wow! The TOTALLY SWEET LIGHTER is in the shape of a dragon. Now that is METAL!
You have gained a new skill: ROCK OUT
There is another rumble of thunder.
>
You: take cock from pants
Stranger: You take the COCKERAL from your pants. You're not exactly sure why you keep it there, but it clucks appreciatively.
>
You: rock out
Stranger: You hold up the lighter and start to mosh vigorously around the room. ROCK! ROCK! RAAAAAGH!
The COCKERAL looks at you with wise approval. You gain 5 COCK POINTS.
>
You: turn on tv, turn tv to Headbanger's Ball
Stranger: You turn on the television, but all you get is static. Terrible, wonderful, hypnotic static. The COCKERAL is mesmerised by the screen.
>
You: are they here?
Stranger: The COCKERAL turns slowly and fixes you with a cold, expressionless poultry face. It clucks something at you, but you do not have enough COCK POINTS to activate your CHICKENTALK skill.
>
You: stroke cock
Stranger: You stroke the COCKERAL. It barely seems to notice.
You gain 1 COCK POINT.
<
You: lose 2000 Florida election
Stranger: You lose the election due to some fuss about hanging chads. Eight years later your election campaign is forgotten but people respect your environmental initiatives.
The COCKERAL voted republican. And it knows you know it.
>
You: invent internet, hypnotize cockeral
Stranger: The COCKERAL is already hypnotised! Your efforts are in vain.
The internet has already been invented! You are not fooling anyone. Except maybe GWB.
>
You: give cigarette to chicken
Stranger: You give the COCKERAL a CIGARETTE.
Even in its hypnotic torpor, the COCKERAL is drawn to the prospect of Sweet Maiden Nicotine, and starts smoking. Impressive, considering it hasn't got any fingers or thumbs.
There is an even louder rumble of thunder.
>
You: hail satan!
Stranger: You hail satan.
There is an almight explosion from above which shatters the ceiling and throws you across the room. In a second the plush bedroom is set into a blazing inferno, engulfing television, cock and cigarette pack alike.
>
You: defile the cockeral corpse
Stranger: You defile the DELICIOUS ROAST CHICKEN. It doesn't make you feel any better. You lose all your COCK POINTS!
You are on fire! You are burning fast!
>
You: piss on myself
Stranger: You try to wee, but nothing comes out. Desperately you try to remember when you last had a drink. Oh man, it was ages ago!
You are on fire! You are burning fast!
>
You: accept christ, an hero
Stranger: You accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your saviour.
It begins to rain.
You are on fire! You are burning fast!
>
You: go out into rain
Stranger: You walk out in the rain, putting the fire out. Phew!
Out of the corner of your eye you notice a few loose CIGARETTES that have somehow survived the blast.
>
You: get cigarettes
Stranger: You pick up the remaining CIGARETTES. Mmmm... You could sure use a smoke after all that, right?
>
You: smoke cigarette
Stranger: You smoke a CIGARETTE. A second blast of lightning hits you directly, flash-frying you in an instant. As you smoulder on the floor a heavenly voice from on high whispers: "Told you it made me cry."
You are DEAD! Final score 3/50
Thankyou for playing!
You: load autosave
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Cell Phone Reunion

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:45:59 GMT

Watch Cell Phone Reunion and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

"Pride with Bleach"

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:35:02 GMT

Something I came across, and thought I'd share:

Watch Pride With Bleach on CollegeHumor

Blessings

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 09:28:04 GMT

My great aunt was truly bless to go peacefully, and not have a cruelly painful death like this:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28858971/

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:15:10 GMT

Well, I think I know who Seth McFarlane is voting for.

An institution that needs to be institutionalized

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:19:16 GMT

I have a 91 year old great aunt who I run errands for in winter because while she still drive, she doesn't drive in winter. Her driveway gets too icy for her to walk down to the garage, much less get her car out, especially at her age. Typically, she makes a check out to me to take to her bank to cash (her bank is closer to her house than mine), and then I go to the grocery store and run other errands she needs done. She banks at Well Fargo. Well, actually, she's had an account for many, many years. It's just through name changes, mergers, etc, she's ended up having an account with Well Fargo.

So the last time I went in to cash a check from my aunt, they made me sign in to see a personal banker. The personal banker has to check my id's, get a bunch of information from me, and put it into a profile in their computer. Of course, they tried to offer me a Wells Fargo Free Checking account, which I declined, because I already have a checking account that's convenient for my own business. The only time I go to Well Fargo is when I go to cash a check from my great aunt, a check drawn from that bank. Apparently, what I didn't catch was that fact that I was still going to have to sign in, wait for a personal banker, verify my id and information, and then hear an offer for a Well Fargo account every time I want to cash a check drawn at that bank, simply because I myself don't have an account.

They say it for security. They could provide the same security at the teller window: pulling up my profile, checking my two forms of ID, getting my thumb print on the check. No, instead, they prefer to inconvenience me, and pester me to get an account with them. Instead, I would think that getting people to sign up for an account they rarley use and don't monitor closely would open up countless opportunities for both bank fraud and identity theft.

That's not even the kicker. The "selling point" the personal banker tried to hand me about getting a Well Fargo Free Checking account was that I'd again be able to go and use the teller windows instead of waiting for a personal banker! WHAT A LOAD!

First of all, having an account I neither want nor need is not a convenience, it's a burden and a liability. Second, don't make a transaction more complicated and time consuming than it should even be, and then try to "sell" me on the convenience of having a bank account there. One, that's pissing on my leg and telling me it's raining, and two, why would I want to bank somewhere that I know will make it inconvenient as possible for someone who does not have an account there to cash a check from me? Cashing a check drawn on an account at a given bank, whether the person cashing the check is an account holder or not, is a very basic service. Yes, it is reasonable to put security measure in place, but not this policy. Why would I want to put someone through that? Even more to the point, why in hell would I bank someone that I know is going to put someone though that? To really split hairs, why in the world would I even want to bank somewhere that put *ME* through that?

I let the personal banker know just how I felt about this policy. I told him that that measures that were actually relevant to security could easily be handled by a teller, and I knew the rest was a ploy to get people to sign up for account. I further informed him that these methods had quite the opposite effect with me, and that given the way I way being treated for trying to perform a basic function at a banking institution, opening a Well Fargo account was the least likely result of their efforts. At the conclusion of the transaction, I told the banker that I understood he had to implement the policies that the bank tell him to implement, but that I would like him to forward my complaints up the chain.

This is just plain bullshit. If they were serious about security, they wouldn't try to get people to sign up for accounts they didn't need and didn't want. A rarely or disused account is also likely not to be monitored by the customer very closely. Such accounts are an open invitation for bank fraud and identity theft. Making me wait for a personal banker who is going to pester me to open a account with them is not the way to get me to open an account. Being competitive (such as having lower fees and providing better customer service, pretty much the opposite of Wells Fargo) would be the way to get more people.

Whether I have an account or not, when I take a check drawn from a particular bank, and I present it endorsed with proper ID, I expect to be able to cash it with a minimum of hassle, unless there's some kind of a problem. This is one of the most basic, fundamental functions that a bank can perform. If they could perform this basic function with a minimum of fuss and give good customer service, that might be a way to entice me into getting a checking account there, if I didn't have one somewhere else or was dissatisfied with my present financial institution. Instead, they had only two tellers out of six windows in the morning on the first business day of the month. Then I find out I have to wait for a personal banker to give me a sales pitch under the guise of security. If that's the way they treat you before they even get you signed up with an account, I don't want to find out how they treat you once you do have an account.

The last thing that pisses me off is that I sound like an old man when I go off on rant about stuff like this, dammit.

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 07:25:30 GMT

The Deliverator rides again. :)

Dental work done

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 20:52:40 GMT

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It helped that the bone had emerged more, so instead of cutting into my gum, they were just able to pull it out with a pair of tweezers after numbing everything up.

Novacaine is the WEIRDEST thing. I can only feel pressure on the right side of my face/mouth. Half my tongue is numb. It feels like I have the side of a cow in my mouth, I talk like a stroke victim and I'm salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs to a mechanical alarm clock.

That went a lot easier than I was anticipating.

Of course, I was anticipating asking the doctor to strap me down to the chair.

True Geek Love

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:21:50 GMT

ditzwill and I were definitely meant to be married. I refer to you this post by my fiance. :)

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 08:26:46 GMT

Can you spot the problem in this picture?

At least nobody stole my Vicodin...

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 00:34:46 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
Chrisbert goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Dr. Gregory House.
clawdia gives you 5 teal mint-flavoured gummy worms.
ditzwill gives you 7 dark green blueberry-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
gretchen_marie gives you 3 purple apple-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
hoopycat tricks you! You lose 14 pieces of candy!
j3nny3lf gives you 19 softly glowing watermelon-flavoured gumdrops.
jdev gives you 16 brown coconut-flavoured gummy worms.
mybadhairlife tricks you! You lose 23 pieces of candy!
nymphofairy tricks you! You get a rotten egg.
silvair tricks you! You get a used tissue.
veryfineredwine tricks you! You get a toothbrush.
Chrisbert ends up with 13 pieces of candy, a rotten egg, a used tissue, and a toothbrush.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Then again, maybe the Vicodin's why I was tricked so many times.

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 22:07:05 GMT

I was out running errands today. I'm pissed about something really stupid a couple teenage girls did.

As I was going along Euclid, there were two girls on a street corner, getting ready to cross. One started to step out, but the other girl held her back. They actually waited for me to get *CLOSER* before stepping out RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR.

I swerved, of course, and missed them. But when I looked in my rearview mirror, they were looking toward me and laughing!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!

After checking for other cars around me, I pulled a tire squealing u-turn turn and went to tell them off. Their only retort was to comment on my u-turn.

I really hope those two don't reproduce. The gene pool is polluted as it is.

Windsor Heights Police

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 23:16:38 GMT

So yesterday evening, my exhaust came loose while on the way to pick up my finance ditzwill from work. This happened around 4:15pm. I got kinda bent out of shape cause we're going to a wedding Sunday, I had shopping to do at Penny's (which I didn't get up early enough to do), and I was sure I was going to get pulled over at some point by police, most likely the Windsor Heights, Iowa police.

I *really* hate it when I'm right about things like that.

I tired to get it fixed this afternoon at the BP station on 8th st. in West Des Moines. They don't do exhaust, but the one on 35th St. does. I went there, and found out they're open tomorrow and I could bring it in, but I knew I'd have to make sure I had a different way to get to the wedding. I couldn't reach her by phone (she left it at my house, and she was sleeping in anyway), so I found out when they closed tonight so I could call later to tell them whether I could bring it in Sunday. I decide that I'll go talk to her after I get my haircut and get clothes shopping done.

So I get my shopping done, and head over to Ditzwill's house, which, unfortunatly, is in Windsor Heights. I was going down Hickman at around 4:15pm, when I had the misfortune to go by a Windsor Heights cops, who followed me onto the street and into the driveway (she lives right on the corner). "You've got a *LOUD* exhaust," says the officer, who asks for my license, registration, and proof of insurance. I explained to him when it got loud, when I planned to get it fixed, that it was my only vehicle, and that I was trying to make arrangement so I could get it fixed. He gives me a written warning, and tells me that if I keep driving it around, I can be pulled over and ticketed.

Seriously, couldn't he have just given me a verbal warning? Cops do have a bit of discretion. It's not like I was trying to pull a fast one on him or anything. Yeah, I know my exhaust is loud. I'm trying to get it fixed. IT'S A FUCKING WEEKEND. Not EVERYBODY has the money to just up and go to any place that can fix the car right away. Sure, there's a noise ordinance, but there's also a little thing I like to call REASON.

My main problem with this cop is the attitude he had. The way he said, "Your muffler is LOUD." The way he told me, after running a warrant check, running my plates, and writing me a warning, "if you keep driving this car around, you may be subsequently pulled over and ticketed."

Maybe instead of harassing motorists on Hickman and University (or me, for having a loud exhaust), they should put a little more effort into cracking the recent rash of burglaries.

Makes me wonder what happens in Windsor Heights if you're anything but white.
`

Another meme (Transformers)

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 02:48:16 GMT

I AM 65% JAZZ

Take the Transformers Quiz

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 21:06:11 GMT

I'm at work, and since there's no customers right now, I've sitting at a table with a notebook computer in front of me (with a wireless mouse). I decided to start reading a book I have in my backpack.

Anyway, when I got towards the bottom of the page, I grabbed the wireless mouse and tried to scroll the page of AN ACTUAL, PHYSICAL, PRINTED BOOK.

I wonder if there's any psychological studies about something along the lines of "interface confusion."

Argentinians Come to America to Eat Chinese Food

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 02:51:37 GMT

As many of you know, I work at a Chinese buffet. We had two buses pull in today, with most of the people on them coming into our buffet. Some others went to a Godfather's Pizza or a subway, but about 40-50 had the buffet. They were a group from Argentina that was touring farms, looking at farming equipment and methods.

It was in recounting this experience that ditzwill the subject above. :)

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 21:10:31 GMT

Well, I've done it now.

Ditzwill and I are engaged, we plan to marry at the Des Moines Botanical Center on Sunday, April 20th, 2008. :)

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 03:20:23 GMT

I saw it. I can't unsee it. I have to share:

Tampon Crafts

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 00:19:17 GMT

Impeach.
NOW.

Beam me up! BEAM ME UP!!!

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 11:12:51 GMT

Your results:
You are An Expendable Character (Redshirt)

An Expendable Character (Redshirt)		60%
James T. Kirk (Captain)		60%
Will Riker		55%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)		45%
Deanna Troi		45%
Geordi LaForge		35%
Data		35%
Uhura		35%
Jean-Luc Picard		35%
Spock		30%
Mr. Scott		30%
Chekov		25%
Beverly Crusher		25%
Worf		15%
Mr. Sulu		0%

Since your accomplishments are seldom noticed,
and you are rarely thought of, you are expendable.
That doesn't mean your job isn't important but if you
were in Star Trek you would be killed off in the first
episode you appeared in.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

Fred Phelps' meeting with God...

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 09:26:35 GMT

A transcript of Rev. Phelps (the guy who protests soldier's funerals) meeting with god.

Fred: "God! I knew I was right all along, finally for my reward of peace and glory in heaven!"
God: "...sure thing, Fred, but I need you to do something first...."
Fred: "Anything for you, Father!"
God: "I need you to burn in hell for eternity."
Fred: "..."
God: "You see, you're a douchebag, Fred."
Fred: "But I was doing your work-"
God: "-NO, you were doing your own misjudged lunacy. Seriously, protesting the deaths of children? What the fuck?"
Fred: "Well you said in Leviticus-"
God: "I didn't fucking write Leviticus you inbred dipshit. And besides, if you followed Leviticus you wouldn't eat shellfish or plant two unlike crops in the same field..."
Fred: "Well, er, I uh-"
God: "Decision's been made. This is Mephistopheles, he'll be your host."
Fred: "God, please, have mercy..."
God: "Oh, trust me, this is going to be merciful compared to the torture you put some people through..."
Fred: "He's taking my pants off!"
God: "Yes, he is. He's also going to anally violate you for eternity, sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes not for months, but you'll always be worried about it when he shows up each day. Live in terror, you filthy cocksucker!"
Fred: "Such language!"
God: "I'm God, fuck you."

And something I have totally failed to mention...

Sun, 06 May 2007 11:46:34 GMT

ditzwill and I are officially a couple. A very dorky couple. We converse in quotes from TV, movies, and advertisements. We sing along to Weird Al Yankovic. We Google Talk each other on our respective laptops from across the room. We text message each other from different parts of a house.

Okay, so we're EXTREME dorks. :)